The thing about hope...

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Hope

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What to say, What to say?

Ya, I have nothing to say. Sorry, nothing to report.

I have been a bit MIA from this blog lately because I have nothing positive or good to say. I don't want to be a Debbie Downer and that is where I am in my head at times right now. We've heard nothing and as far as I know we are still sitting at #3 or #4 on the list. My emails are going unanswered (probably b/c there is nothing good to report) so I am just going to have to sit this out and continue to be patient and hopeful. I keep telling myself "It has to happen sooner or later"... we are most definetly into the 'later' part of the equation so we sit tight and know that this wait of all waits has to come to good things soon.

And... if one more telemarketer calls my home I am going to lose it on them. The phone rings, the glimmer of hope that it is 'the call' sets in... I rush to the phone and then it is a telemarketer telling me I've won a trip to Bahamas (ya right!) or wanting to save me $ on my credit card interest - and inside I rage silently at them. One of these days - pop... I'm gonna blow. I loath telemarketing!

All things baby have been set aside for months now. I can't bear looking at baby clothes (i've quit buying a baby outfit each month that our dtv anniversary goes past) or baby stuff... I guess when we finally do get 'the call'... we will have to hussle to be ready for her. I think that will be a good thing though to keep us busy while we wait for travel. So, life continues on and is wonderful at home. We silently wish for our family of five, but are very happy and thankful now for our family of four. It will happen and I've just got to leave it at that. If I think about it too much I start to obsess. Obsessive mommy = super freak. So I'm trying not to go there anymore :)

Laurie's doing a giveaway

Laurie is doing another great give away. Check it out here and leave a message on her blog for your chance to win.

14 months!

Today is the 17th of September and it marks the 14th month our dossier has been in Vietnam. Let's hope it is the last! :)

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Photo of the Week

From our day trip today to the Apple Orchard. More photos here.

She is such a doll!

Things just got busier

Keaton (after much hard work during try-outs the past 2 wks) found out today that he made the Novice Rep Team. We are really proud of him and how hard he tries when he is out on the ice. He is becoming quite the little hockey player! He was happy to make the Rep team although I'm not sure he 100% understands what that means. Mostly he just wanted to be sure he was on his friend Cameron's team, and that he'd get to play hockey lots.

Looks like if I wanted something more to keep me even busier and to keep my mind off the wait... I just got it. Congrats Keaton - you rock!

10 years

10 wonderful years. I hit the jackpot and I know it. Happy Anniversary Shaune. 10 years married and 15 years since I first met you and fell head over heels!

Struggling this week

I'm not sure why but this week has been hard. I think it is because the kids are back to school (not complaining, honest!) and I have more time to *think* and *worry* and *dwell* and *think some more*. Will this happen? I don't know how to explain how I've been feeling lately - panic and doubt is wreaking havoc on my mind. Maybe because the end of this part of our wait (for referral) is finally just around the corner yet not clearly in sight yet. I have said over and over again, it isn't the wait itself that makes this so hard to endure (month after month after month)... it is the not knowing. Not knowing if the phone ringing might be the news we are waiting on, not knowing if it will come tomorrow or in 2 wks or in 2 months or WHEN? I'm just rambling and typing here, endless thinking and mulling everything over in my head has caused extreme insomnia in me lately. Shaune lays beside me, peacefully sleeping and content to wait and trust that things will work out. I wish I had his personality and confidence... I'd be sleeping better at night just like he is.

The kids ask me daily now about the baby. I think they are starting to think maybe this is something we just talk about - I think they are starting to think this is not something that is REALLY going to ever happen. We have been preparing our hearts and our home for a baby to join us... for over 17 months now. I wish we hadn't had to tell them our plans so soon but because of our homestudy - they have known from the very beginning. They have been more patient than I have been but I know that they would love to have their sister join our family and put all this talk about 'someday' in the past.

Chloe is starting to share alot of anxiety and concern about us going to Vietnam when the time comes. It breaks my heart because I know financially we can not afford to take her and her brother and my mother. It is just so much more - and besides, the kids have school...etc.

I guess I just have a ton on my mind at times. Writing them down, believe it or not HELPS. I know how lucky I am. I tuck 2 beautiful children into bed at night and share a life with my family that is truly blessed. I am a mom and wife and I love the life I have. But... I would love our 3rd child home. I'd love to complete our family and keep living this wonderful life with her a part of it. That is all :)

Random mumbling at 1116pm

Here (you'll need my password)

Photo of the Week

We had a great time this past weekend, we are already planning next years!

Still nothing new on the adoption front. I should be used to this by now but I haven't slept in days. If you've contacted me for the password to my private posts but haven't heard back from me, it is likely b/c you didn't post your email. Try again :)

A great little distraction

After a 7 year hiatus, me and my girls are going on a weekend getaway. I cannot wait and it couldn't come at a better time. The wait continues to drag on and consume me.
We are heading to a resort in Keene, Ontario and have rented a cottage on the water within the resort complex. We plan on just hanging out mostly, watching some movies, good eats and great drinks, and we may fit in a wine tasting afternoon and spa treatments too - we are playing it by ear. There will be me, Lori (my cousin - known my whole life), Ang (known since Grade 9), Kerri (known all my life), Pam (known since Grade 9), Gwen (known since Grade 9), Melissa (known my whole life), Rhonda (known since Grade 10) and Nicole (my cousin - known my whole life).

I know I'm lucky to still be able call this group of girls my bestest friends. We have 18 kids between the bunch of us - so yes... we all need and deserve a girls getaway with no kids and no responsibilities for 3 days straight! I am so excited... must go pack now!

Thanks Shaune for holding down the fort at home. We make a great team and I really appreciate you so much for all you do for me and with the kids.

We heard back from our agency…

And it wasn't good news. Apparently we are still #3 or #4. I'm going to think positively and think we are #3.
...not what I wanted to hear, but it is what it is.

The wait...

Well, it feels sort of exciting to finally be at a place where MAYBE we may see a referral soon! I don’t want to jinx things and I’m preparing myself to wait and wait and wait some more. We are (i think) #1 or #2 on the list. I have emailed the director of our agency 2x now to get a confirmation on this and she has not returned my emails. I guess if I haven’t heard a number from her by Monday maybe I’ll call her. The whole process is sort of intimidating and I often feel like I’m bugging when I email them with questions. They are just very busy and I’m one of many that probably email them for news often.

I will admit, when the phone rings… and I mean each and every time it rings since we figured out we were near the beginning of the list, the thought that maybe it is Dorinda (our agency director who makes ‘the calls’) crosses my mind. This is the first I’ve felt this way in the long 17 months we’ve been in this process. It is a nice feeling to feel hopeful finally and expectant of something good coming our way – but it is a scary thing too. I don’t like getting my hopes up – I’m the pessimist in the family. 

Shaune has always said since Day 1 that he felt our referral would come in the Fall of 2008, September to be exact. Well, it is September and we are ready! Any time would be wonderful.

Not #1 or #2

Pooh!
I was sure with my stellar (not!) math skills I'd figured out we were #1 or #2 on the wait list. Apparently not. I heard from our agency and we are still #3 or #4. Not much movement lately unfortunately. I'm going to stuff some B&J's peanut butter chocolate ice cream in my mouth. All this waiting is getting to my waist line.

Testing out password protected posts

For anyone that I've provided with our password, you can test it out at the following link. Let me know if you have any problems getting it to work.

Going semi-private

I'm not going totally private with my blog but... as we are now approaching the time when we will finally see our daughters face someday soon (I hope) I will be posting these things (her photos and her story) on a private blog. If you would like the password please leave me a comment below with your:
1) name & where you live
2) your blog link if you have one
3) how you know me (through adopting from VN, friend, etc.)
4) i need your email so i can email you the password.

The point of going private with some post will just be to protect the little girls identity until she is officially our daughter and to be able to post more intimate thoughts along the way, if and when I feel like it.

I will email you the password once I have something exciting to write about... which could be tomorrow or could be 4 months from now. I pray that it is soon!

Thanks.
Leslie

Exciting day

1) the kids are back in school!!!!

























You can see more back-to-school photos of the kiddies on our family blog. It is linked at the top on the side bar.

2) a friend here in Ontario is recieving her official referral today! She has waited over 2 yrs for this and I am very excited for her. Another friend shared exciting news of her own (you know who you are)... I am thrilled for you too!